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This shit be the first post of my blog. a blog that is updated weekly. Everything you see here shall remain unedited forever as to serve as a snapshot of me this time specifically. I am litle bit drunkkk while typing this/hope that one doesn't judge too mmuch.
06: Monday, went to work. Read and studied Antonio Wolff's blogposts on Hegel.
07-09: Unclear. Missed these days of school. All I know is I tried my best to explain to my sister the importance of Hegel's philosophy after understanding what was written in some of those blogposts by Antonio Wolff and spent an unhealthy amount of time on Roblox.
09: I didn't go to school on the 9th because I wanted to watch the Infrared & Logo vs Keith Woods & Joel Davis argument on YouTube. I have little to say about it other than Keith Woods was a piece of shit, Logo was interesting, though seemed a bit autistic, Keith was more respectable than Joel. Haz, of course, dominated both of them.
10: Friday, went to school for the first time. Finished my math work almost immediately and went home to read more about Hegelianism. Read about the Cataline Conspiracy and a bit of Roman history [Mary Beard's SPQR].
11: Saturday. Don't remember.
12: Light readings on Fascism and the Gran Sasso raid. Found out that Otto Skorzeny was a useless piece of shit. My thoughts on Fascism deserve a more detailed blogpost.
13: Monday. Woke up at 3PM, missed school. Went to work. Boring, thought one of the guys I worked with was cute. Went home, wrote this crap. Cyurrently drunk all night.
I spent way too much time on this shit man. Getting everything in html to work and css and shit. At some point i will spend some time to specifically study html and css, but today is not that time. I don't think I will have time to do so at all this week. I have school and shit this week
but the point of this blogpost isn't to serve as a platform for pontificating about the future. i think that it's useless to talk about the future, because it must be lived out. the future will be acted out, not talked about. nothing can be certainly said certain about the future.
i don't know what to say about today. earlier i had an idea, but i got too caught up with html & css bullshit just trying to make a blogpost and forgot what to say. i'll try thinking of what it was i wanted to say.
[23:44]-[23:4x]. oh yeah. i must try not to embarass myself too much while typing. i won't be the only person to read this, so i'll try to be as mature as i can.
i was working about 2 hours ago. i spent most of my thoughts thinking dialetically and shit, using hegelian terms, which has become usual ever since hegelian dialects clicked on my head. at work i wanted to tweet something along the lines of 'Not sure if Hegel ruined my life or not. I can't stop thinking using Hegelian terms. Anyway I can overcome this?' The joke here being that 'overcoming' is a common translation of a Hegelian term, [Aufhebung], but i didn't think any of my followers would get it. That's a half-joke, because I am actually concerned about how Hegelian terminology has become the modus operandi for my subvocalizations and is now apart of the majority of my thinking. I spent time thinking at work about the essence of what a conversation is, with Hegelian terminology, and I found that funny cause I wasn't actually engaging in conversations. My co-workers did occassionally, but I hardly had a serious conversation today. I guess my problem with this is that I don't think the thoughts that I have are mostly shallow and not deep, but the usage of Hegelian terminology makes me seem like it is. It's also problematic that I think so much about the essences of things in reality, such as conversations, relationships, society, etc. that it takes away from the act of doing and participating in them.
Hegelian philosophy, once it clicked, felt incredibly liberating. I have been reading about it for about a week now, but it clicked while reading the preface for the Sublime Object of Ideology. "[...]the supreme moment of the subject's freedom is to set free its object; to leave it free to deploy itself." Hegel's philosophy was the fundamental explication of what [thinking], [logic], [understanding], and [knowledge] is. I have then tried to 'Hegelianize' every moment of my thinking. This pisses me off for two reasons though: 1) I haven't read Hegel directly yet other than through passages etc... My ideas of Hegel's philosphy come from secondary sources such as Antonio Wolff, Slavoj Zizek, and Evald Ilyenkov. As such, the habit of looking 'through the eyes of Hegel' does not feel genuine, and moreso a reiteration of a poor understanding of Hegel. 2) IT'S FUCKING ANNOYING !! Subvocalizing the words 'sublation' and 'dialectically' gets redundant when it's done constantly. I am genuinely trying to find a way to sublate Hegel, so that I could stop using his terminology, but I have no idea how to do so. (Wrote this sentence while reading from the Preface of Sublime Object of Idelogy): I spend a lot of time thinking and a huge chunk of my thinking comes from 'understanding' things: seperating things and concepts from the reality they belong to and breaking them down into their elementary principles etc. This annoys the fuck out of me, because I find it largely redundant... But as Zizek writes, this process of Understanding comes to an end when they stop being things 'merely in our mind' and into things in themselves, outside of our thinking.
Now I must think about reality. Reality is hard for me to think about, because I am stuck in [understanding] mode, which requires the breaking of things down into 'things in themselves', but in reality, there are no 'things in themselves' — everything is connected to one another — and that is overwhelming. I will start thinking deeply for a bit. [0:27]
[0:30] The feeling that bothers me the most is the feeling of dissociation. I feel incredibly unrelated to my surroundings, to my society, to the people around me, to things outside of myself.
At work I thought that tiny moments of Marxist alienation can be overcome via relating the activity to someone in particular.. I was able to overcome my alienation as a part-time stocker by realizing that I'm putting things on the shelves for someone else, simple as that. The feeling of alienation comes from the conscious recognition of it — to consciously think of alienation leads to alienation.
The feeling of social alienation, however, cannot be fundamentally alleviated by a way of thinking. It requires social participation with the real existing world. For me, this is what I need to work on more. I must break Zizek's principle 'Don't act, just think' and to stop thinking by myself and start acting in society more. The first course of action will be following society's schedule. And that means going to school at 9am today... (Finished typing at 0:42, 09-14)
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